Counseling Services Direct NewsletterNovember-December 2011
Addictive Relationships
Welcome to Counseling Services Dreict for Marriage and Family Therapy. Love addicts are individuals who are vulnerable to certain feelings and behaviors in which they become addicted to the feeling of being in love as well as the initial feeling of the newness of the relationship. This definition of addictive love is also referred to as codependent love, or avoidant love. Similar to other types of addiction a dependency develops and the object of choice becomes a dominant focus for the addict and creates a a sense of elation and an increase in self worth. The relationship(s) can take on an obsessive quality that interferes with relational and personal functioing and well being. The pattern related to the addiction is generally destructive because of the the unease related to the cycle of repetively seeking new relationships and the chaos of a problematic relationship. In addition, in these siituations there is a lack of awareness that true intimacy is calm not full of drama and discomfort and there is failure to notice when a relationship is safe, stable and secure. There are several reasons why these patterns form in relationships which are in part related to ealier childhood abanonment or emotional abuse. Exploring different resources such as individual therapy or couples therapy. or family therapy. can provide support and guidance. I would like to encouage you to consider the following ways in which you can begin to have healthy relationships.
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help you to have healthy relationships. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your marriage, family and all your important relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
September-October 2011
Anger Management
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Anger is an emotion and response to a perceived event in the environment. Anger is a normal emotion that can be utilized in a positive way to address and resolve offending stimuli, however it can also become counterproductive when it is not controlled. Anger occurs at three levels which are cognitive (interpretation), sonatic-affective (physiological), and behavioral (action). Individual therapy and couples counseling can be important resources to help address uncontrolled anger. Anger management is central to healthy relationships, otherwise uncontrolled reactivity can cause interactions that are out of balance and destructive. Healthy relationships are based upon behaviors that are conscious and intentional as well as goal directed. There are several ways in which you can heal your relationship by adapting new ways to deal with anger; which is by understanding the origin of your anger, becoming familiar with environmental triggers, paying attention to somatic signs, slowing down and reflecting, gaining perspective, and by transforming anger into empathy. Here is a book to consider reviewing on this topic that may be helpful: Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship: How to Break the Cycle of Arguments, Put-Downs, and Stony Silences W. Robert Nay Phd. I would like to encouage you to consider the following ways in which you can begin to reveal your inner potiential to address anger and build healthy relationships.
- Build understanding and empathy into your life and relationships by choosing to awaken and uncover your senses by being open to learning new ways to make healthier choices to deal with anger. (EX: Slow down and set your sights on changing your old patterns by choosing to deal with anger constructively with the core goal of creating inner and outer peace by meditating on this mindset diaily so it becomes built into your awareness).
- Develop a clear view that is undistorted to create wisdom, awareness, and concentration around managing anger. (EX: Create insight by paying attention to your thoughts and practice through meditation to enhance your sense of sympathy and understanding toward yourself and others).
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
May-June 2011
Emotional Sobriety
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Emotional sobriety is the core foundation of wellness and balance that is essential for your health as well as the functioning of relationships. Learning ways in which to regulate your emotions and respond with clarity and intention within your social space is an essential part of relational well being. Regardless of the external environment you always have a choice to step back and slow down and choose to respond in a new and healthier way to your surroundings in order to promote relationships that are based upon the likelyhood of being peaceful, understanding, and secure. By exploring resources such as marriage counseling as well as family therapy you can learn to increase emotional sobriety. Improving self regulation and internal equilibrium can lead to a more confortable way of thinking, feeling, and interacting. I would like to encourage you to consider the reasons that emotional sobriety is important to the you and all of your relationships:
- Explore finding your inner center and tolerance level in the present moment by simply attending to what you need to nurture yourself and cultivate emotional balance. (EX: Practice calming your mind by deeply breathing and giving yourself permission to set clear boundaries that allow for self care and relational well being).
- Find helpful resources such as readings, counseling, and groups to learn how to begin to balance your emotions and thinking so they are congruent and calm. (EX: Balance emotions, thoughts, and behaviors by not being controlled by unconscious compulsive actions by practicing mindfulness).
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help you acknowledge the importance of emotional sobriety. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your marriage, family and all your important relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
March-April 2011
Forgiveness
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Forgiveness is defined as the act of ceasing to experience anger and resentment toward yourself or another person over a particular situation and creating a sense of felt resolution. Forgiveness provides a release to both yourself and the other person which occurs by developing a deeper understanding of the situation and taking into account all of the events that lead to a circumstance which then allows for a chance for letting go of hurtful and difficult feelings.The main purpose of practicing forgiveness is to develop peace and well being in your life and all relationships. By moving through this process it provides a stage for healing, learning, and growth that results in healthy, gentle, and nurturing relationships. Finally, forgiveness is an overall emotional, psychologiical, relational, and spiritual gift, that provides freedom from suffering and painful memories that if left unresolved can cloud a path to balance. I would like to encourage you to please consider the following ways to cultivate an awareness of the importance of moving throught the process of forgiveness and the benifits to you and your relationships:
- Forgiveness is a way to change a painful state of mind into a peaceful one by releasing anger and resentment by accepting the situation without judgement. (EX: Allowing yourself to view the situation through a lense of perception that is not based on expectations of "what should have been or what should be" rather accept it for what it is right now in this moment).
- Forgiveness is an important part of maintaining significant long term relationships and letting go of negitive feelings. (EX:Keeping an open mind that promotes healing and allows for sharing of strong positive emotions).
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help you acknowledge the importance of forgiveness in all of your relationships and how they contribute to your well being. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your marriage, family and all your important relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
January-February 2011
Friendship
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. What does it mean to be a friend? How would one define friendship? We often use the word so easily, it flows very generally in conversation when we refer to a deep caring compassionate fondness for another. Frienships are a form of interpersonal relationships. Friendship should be present in all relationships including with peers, family members, as well a significant other. This process begins in early childhood when children begin the socialization process and continues to develop through the life span from adulthood to older age, it can be considered a physiological as well as a psychologically perceived need to establish and maintian ongoing connections that are rooted in true caring, support, and nurturing. Furthermore, such an alliance is considered to be an integral part of human connection and interaction which encourages bonding and promotes acceptance and companionship. In some situations when significant bonding based in freindships is missing one may experince isolation and loneliness. I would like to encourage you to please consider the following reasons why friendship can be so beneficial to you and all of your significant relationships:
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Friendship can promote your mental and physical well being by providing a true sense of comfort, support, understanding, trust, and companionship. (EX: This type of relationship supports an environment were disclosure is possible and acceptance is always present without any jugement).
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This form of bonding allows for a connection which is based upon a reciprocal interpersonal relationship which encourages an equal of amount of sharing. (EX: Frienship provides a space to demonstrate a consistent exchange of caring within a deep concern for each other).
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help you acknowledge the importance of friendship in all of your relationships and how they contribute to your well being. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your marriage, family and all your important relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
November-December 2010
Emotional Intimacy
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. The definition of Intimacy generally refers to a state of familiarity, closeness, affection, and deep understanding that occurs at many different levels in healthy loving relationship. Emotional intimacy is a combination of sharing a deep level of communication that facilitates a union rooted in a closeness that is build upon a trusting foundation. However, when relationships begin to breakdown there are signs that manifest in communication problems, a decrease of physical and emotional closeness, as well as an overall change in the amount of comfort and trust. There are reasons that intimacy can be lacking in a relationship. I would like to encourage you to consider the following points that can help to increase emotional intimacy.
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Improve communication by honestly sharing your vision for the relationship and by learning to openly discuss your deepest self with a true concern for the other. (EX: Practice mindfullness with the other to build a strong foundation for being present while creating a newness in each moment and experience).
- Committ to making time for the relationship and explore different ways to increase joy by sharing activities that encourage closeness.(EX:Establish time for activities were sharing affection and personal feeling is encouraged).
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help increase intimacy in your relationship and maintain well being. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your marriage and relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
September-October 2010
Couples Counseling
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Couples counseling is a form of therapy that helps to build an understanding of how interactional patterns impact the level of health in a relationship. This form of counseling provides a therapeutic setting where couples can explore their styles of relational functioning and make changes. This process is encouraged through active interaction, feedback, confrontation, empathy, intellect, and a whole range of other emotions are shared. The therapist role is to help clients manage emotions so that the therapy can be conducted in a constructive way to enrich effective communication for the couple. Basic to this form of counseling is to create a dynamic setting where listening, guidance, teaching and confronting by the therapist is encouraged to address emotional intensity so that the couple is able to explore and change emotional and cognitive experiences in the sessions as well as taking this into situations outside the counseling. I would like to encouage you to consider the following points on this topic.
- Begin to learn how to manage emotional intensity in the relationship which can lead to insight and cognitive behavioral changes. (EX: Share your emotions with your partner through effective communication).
- Avoid superficial expression and engage in expressing emotions through detailed descriptions. (EX: Use visual images to describe feelings).
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help you to maintain well being. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your marriage and relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Weeks, G.R., & Treat, S.R. (2001). Couples in Treatment. Techniques and Approaches for Effective Practice. Brunner-Routledge. New York, NY.
May-June 2010
Attachment
- Explore how to restructure and establish healthy adult relationships which are founded on secure romantic and passionate love that is based on intense positive emotions. (Ex: Developing attachments that are based on positive reciprocal interactions which encourages intimacy and secure attachment).
- Establish a mindful perspective on the type of attachment styles in the relationship. (Ex: Create an awareness of the way in which affection and love is expressed by engaging in an objective observation of the relationship).
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help you to maintain well being. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Feeney, J.A. & Noller, P. (1990). Attachment style as a predictor of adult romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58(2), 281-291.
March-April 2010
Grieving
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Grieving is often associated with a significant loss that is experienced in various ways by different individuals. Grieving follows a certain set of stages. These stages include identifying the loss through the morning process and eventually leading to acceptance. Loss may be a result of death, illness, or the termination of an important relationship. The way in which individuals experience grief will depend on the nature and expectancy of the loss. Complicated grief is similiar to normal grieving except the experience of the loss is associated with severely painful emotions that last over a long period of time and interferes with acceptanceand returning to normal functioning. Symptoms of bereavement can include anxiety and depression which generally declines over time, however when the loss is complicated the suffering can continue. The distress associated with complicated grief can occur at different levels which include a feeling of disbelief, anger, recurrent emotions that are painful, and a preoccupation with memories, longings, and yearning for the departed individual. I would like to encourage you to consider the following points to help you understand and identify your strngths around this topic.
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Consider the idea of how the emotions related to complicated bereavement may be resolved and lead to acceptanceof the loss. (Ex: Bereavement counseling can provide the help needed to regain a sense of hope and decrease feelings of hopelessness and connect with movement towards resolution).
- Examine and understand the emotional process related to grieving. (Ex: Consider the steps related to grievign which leads to a level of acceptance and peace and sometimes additional help may be needed in the form of a support group).
The previous points are important to provide you with information to help you to maintain well being. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your family.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Cutcliffe, J.R. (1998). Hope, counselling and complicated bereavement reactions. Journal of Advanced Nurrsing, 28(4), 754-761.
Schulz, R. et al. (2006). Predictors of complicated grieef among dementia caregivers: A prospective study of bereavement. American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, 14(8), 650-658.
January-February 2010
Families with Dementia
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Education is important for families who have a loved one suffering with dementia. Dementia is both emotionally and physically demanding for the family member diagnosed with the disease as well as the caretakers involved in the process; from the recognition, diagnosis, planning, and treatment components of the disease. Developing a thoughtful and organized plan will help the family member with dementia as well as the those involved in carrying out the necessary steps in providing the most effective level of care for the individual. Dementia is not a unified disease that presents itself in one particular form, instead it can be defined by different types, symptoms, and causes which does not always follow a specific pattern. The stages of dementia are defined in the literature though it is required for proper care not to create a blanket opinion of the symptoms but rather to account for the uniquness of each individual and ask the provider questions about your loved ones diagnosis as well as treatment options. There are many supportive options for the family and person diagnosed with dementia which include family counseling, support groups, day activity programs, cognitive training, outpatient rehabilitative programs, and in home care skilled nursing and aide services. I would like to encourage you to consider some of the following points to increase your awareness on the importance of this topic.
- Facilitate planning, education, and advocay for the family member diagnosed with dementia. (EX: Involvement with care by researching resources such as associations and various health related programs).
- Never make assumption about symptoms especially when the individual is in a hospital, assisted living, or skilled care facility where psychoactive medications may be involved. (EX: In some cases the effects of the medication may mimick or exacerbate symptoms of dementia instead of providing effective treatment for the illness).
The previous list of points are important to provide you with information to help you to maintain the well being of your family. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your family.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
November-December 2009
Sobriety and Relationships
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Sobriety is related to relationship wellness from the standpoint that any substance or behavior that alters consciousness impacts perception and interactions with others in the environment. Sobriety is a necessary component to a functional well balanced relationship; it assumes a state of awareness that encourages one to be present. Engaging in behaviors that alter a mind that is present will tend to encourage disproportional excess; such as excessive alcohol use, excessive substance use, sexual addiction, and over-spending, which is an example of the many different ways that individuals keep themselves from being sober and present in their relationships. This is also referred to as using exits in relationships; individuals do this in romantic partnerships as well as with family members. Exits are initially conscious ways to escape from directly interfacing with ones environment and then become unconscious reactions. The individual adapts patterns that maintain the status quo regardless of the long term negative effects; the primary concern is avoiding. Therefore, recognizing and resolving the use of exits or any other form of avoidance will increases the possibility for sobriety and relationships wellness. I would like to encourage you to reflect more upon this subject matter and ask you to consider the following ways to help become less avoidant and more present in all of your relationships.
- Move away from automatized responses to the relationships in your environment and engage in conscious effortful behaviors. (Ex: practice mindfulness and focus on appraising your situation in the present to engage in problem focused coping and regulating distress).
- Practice stress management to adapt to external environmental demands. (Ex: focus on the triggers that promote emotional, and behavioral distress by assessing the situation and learning the skills to effectively handle the relationship).
The previous list of techniques are important to provide you with the foundation to help you to have healthy relationships for both couples and families. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Monat, A. & Lazarus, R. (1991). Stress and Coping. An Anthology. Columbia University Press. New York.
October 2009
Relational Problem Solving
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Relational problem solving is basic to all forms of life and is conceptually a description of the way in which individuals in various relationship settings access resources to solve problems. This information can be applied to social colonies in nature where a form of negotiation and problem solving is necessary to resolve tension, conflict and make decisions. Problem solving is to a degree an instinctual gift that is inherent in our structure, which is more apparent in lower life forms. Naturally we are provided with a biologcal, genetic, and physiological internal structure that is the necessary foundation to improve upon and aquire problem solving skills through social and environmental interaction. The etiology of resolving problems can be traced back to the type of modeling we were exposed to by our primary care givers in childhood and adolelscence. By adulthood we have a set of developed problem solving resources that we can use to address problems that require a felt sense of emotional, psychological, and physical resolution. During adulthood there is an oppurtunity to learn new skills which may be more conscious, adaptive, and functional then those that were modeled in a possibly not so healthy setting, though the positve ones may be retained and build upon. I would like to encourage you to reflect more upon this subject matter and ask you to consider the following ways to engage in healthy relational problem solving.
- Engage in the art of encouargement by emphaszing the positive aspects of a situation that can lend itself to techniques that strengthen and improves the individuals sense of self as well as the couple or family system as a whole. (Ex: use techniques such as affirming instead of discounting which will help to build optimism and openness that increase the likelyhood that behaviors are more adaptive and effective to improve upon the situation.)
- Addressing resistence to change by cooperating and fostering the unfolding of denial by implementing strategies that encourage the use of negotiating skills and compromise. (Ex: implementing a technique such as contracting for results will facilitate focusing on problems while lowering resistance and having a clear positive direction to address obstacles with a defined clear goal that is explicit and realistic).
The previous list of skills are important to provide you with guidance to help build healthy problem solving into your relationships for both couples and families. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Sherman, R., Oresky, P., & Rountree, Y. (1991). Solving Problems in Couple and Family Therapy. Techniques and Tactics. Brunner/Mazell.
September 2009
Family Patterns
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Pattens are prevelant in most activities of life, including the transition from one season to the next. Patterns provide the ability to understand our phyiscal and emotional environment. It is difficult for us to ignore when the colder weather sets in and we have to begin to make certain altercations in our daiy routine to account for these shifts. Family structures also follow a natural order and include a strong emotional component too. The pattens adapted by families help them to sustain themselves, however certain forms can be maladaptive and dysfunctional to the health of its members. The well being of a family system as a whole is dependent on adapting functional ways in which to adjust and cope with life cycle issues through the course of its equinox to its solstice, assimilating and accomidating from the cooler/darker moments to warm/ brighter ones. I would like to encourage you to reflect more upon this subject matter and ask you to consider the following ways to consider adapting healthy patterns into your family and relationships.
- Facilitate change in your relationship patterns by considering different ways in which to interact with significant others. (Ex: restructure the family system by changing family rules, and establishing new alignments and patterns which originally encouraged maladaptive behaviors).
- Consider techniques to change patterns in the family structure. (Ex: setting new boundaries, and reframing by relabeling the problem, reconsidering the previous held evaluations of the sitiuation).
- Stop avoiding and address the chronic conflict in the family structure. (Ex: unbalance the status-quo by not repeating the same dysfunctional patterns and begin to adapt and consider making modifications by becoming aware that the problem does not belong to the individual alone rather to the whole family).
The previous list of strategies are important for adapting healthy patterns for both couples and families. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Goldenberg, I. & Goldenberg, H. (2004). Family Therapy. An Overview. Brooks/Cole-Thomson Learning. Pacific Grove, CA.
August 2009
Relationship Mindfulness
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Summer is winding down, and at the end of a session today I acknowledged with a client that it is already the middle of the month and the autum is shortly going to begin to present its subtle changes. These seasonal differences appear to suddenly come upon us, only truly noticing these transitions when we slow down our minds enough to cultivate a more acute state of consciousness. Humans by nature both on an individual and interpersonal level appear to be invested in an ongoing preconscious contemplation of the past and future, with little resource allotted to the present moment. I would like to encourage you to reflect more upon this subject matter and slow down to focus on the present moment and consider the following ways to cultivate mindfulness into your relationships.
- Apply concentration, imagination, observation, location, and association. (Ex: allocate 10 minutes each day to meditate in a quiet space and begin to strengthen your mental faculties to improve the ability to focus).
- Evaluate interactions and establish deeper impressions. (EX: explore the patterns and features in your intellectual and emotional environment).
- Discover the senses and open up to your perceptual field by incorporating stratagies to increase your awareness of the self, the other, and the self in relation to the other. (EX: notice relevant stimuli that evoke a strong central point of connection).
The previous list of suggestions are important to provide you with guidance to help build mindfulness into your relationships for both couples and families. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: O' Brien, D. (2000). Learn to Rememer. Practical Techniques and Exercises to Improve Your Memory. Duncan Baird Publishers (Chronicle Books). San Francisco, CA.
July 2009
Trust
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Today as I look outside the window I see a small bird land on the ledge and he/she appears to be looking for a place to nest and begin a mutual cohabitation and family system. So as I sit here before the keyboard and begin to consider the importance of trust, I reflect on how all different types of species emulate the same types of bonding behaviors and relational systems that we do as humans. When I consider this reflection more broadly I begin to formulate this sense from both a personal and clinical standpoint that trust is not only a psychological need, but also is hardwired into our biology, and genetic structure. Trust is a central component in social bonding as well as for the maintenance of healthy interpersonal functioning. I would like to encourage you to reflect more upon this subject matter and ask you to consider the following ways of building trust into your own relationships.
- Communicate intentions clearly and openly (Ex: establish a common understanding around each individuals expectations of the social situation).
- Display of trustworthy behaviors (Ex: demonstrate a willingness to honor the words, actions, and decisions of significant others).
- Increase coperation through sharing and problem solving (Ex: practice using conflict resolution skills).
- Manage intensity and emotional reactivity (Ex: learn to diffuse anger, frustration, or disappointment through empathy building).
The previous list of techniques are important to provide you with guidance to help build trust into your relationships for both couples and families. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Lewicki, RoyJ. and Edward C. Tomlinson. "Trust and Trust Building." Beyond Intractability. Eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, Boulder. Posted: December 2003.
June 2009
Communication
Welcome to Counseling Services Direct for Marriage and Family Therapy. Summer has arrived and the days begin to get longer, warmer, and the sun is brighter. A time of awakening and starting new. With this in mind I would like to present ways in which you may consider learning new skills to talk and share information, feelings, and thoughts with your partner, and other family members. Communication seems so simple, yet we often stumble with the way in which we express ourselves to those around us. I would like to encourage and awaken your thoughts on this subject matter and give you some effective new ways of communicating in your relationships.
- Using "I" statements helps one to take responsibility for their experience of the situation (Ex: "I Feel"). While "You" statements encourage reactivity and defensive behaviors from other(s).
- Using "Validation" suggests that you are using reflection when listening to the other(s). On the other side of validation is to ignore or to misinterpret feelings and words (Ex:. "being told something was said or felt when it was not").
- Using "Editing" is a useful way to mentally rehearse a conversation (Ex: "Focusing on the topic").
- Using "Timing" to effectively communicate (Ex: "setting aside a certain amount of time for discussion).
The previous list of skills are important for communication for both couples and families. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the health of your relationships.
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT References: Weeks, G.R., & Treat, S.R. (2001). Couples in Treatment. Techniques and Approaches for Effective Practice. Brunner-Routledge. New York, NY.
The previous material is important and benificial to maintain healthy relationships. I hope this information has been helpful and has awakened your awareness of the value they hold in providing a strong foundation for the understanding of the underlying factors related to positive bonding .
"Encouraging growth to improve and sustain positive relationships"
Contact us at Counseling Services Direct for Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy and get started today: (O) 516-484-2829 or (C) 914-960-2723.
Fondly,
Stacey Chernin, M.A., LMFT, CFT
References: Feeney, J.A. & Noller, P. (1990). Attachment style as a predictor of adult romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58(2), 281-291.